Reference: "Brain Wave Diary" (02/18/01)

Busting out - Once and for all

On the eve of humanity busting out though the thick dank cloud of sense blinding chaos to ordained brilliant blue sky's and fabulous sunshine, I offer this as food for thought - it may assist someone, somewhere to clear up some life odds and ends.

As surely as one desires to go forward one is equally retreating from a point of origin. As each step leads us forward it is good to be mindful of perspective. Are we going to somewhere or are we running away from somewhere? In appearance and effect... the result is the same, at least to a casual observer. Intent of the traveler is personal to the traveler and is the defining motivation for the trip. In my case I assumed I was seeking, going forward, later I confronted my own denial and conceded my forward progress was retreat driven. In fact... I was running away blindly using seeking as an excuse to go forward.

For seeking to stand up in court there need be a quarry, a defined objective of the search. I had none. I became mired and tired from running away - exhausted, defeated afraid and forlorn. There was no quest only a past to put distance from. This provided me an impetus, why not have a defined quest and purpose to seek? It really could un-cloud the issue for me and besides, inherently I wanted to find something.

The trick was defining a grail.

In a loosey goosey way I knew it needed to be a good grail, a nice grail an honorable grail with DEEP important purpose for our planet and our being.

Something small but very sweet.

My next realization was that moving away from uncomfortable past to anticipated desired destination (destiny), is really the point...not the reason. When I made this small but personally profound realization, I was no longer tired, I became refreshed and invigorated for I was moving to.... not from.

Imagine....free abundant fuel from thinking for a few minutes...how grand the provisions provided.

How would one know there is free gas and comfort stations at every step...until one thought to "SEE" them? I call these spiritual thermals now.

All the past supports the past - never the future.

Could it be libraries are the meme troves of the controllers. Libraries contain the stuff of forming preconceived ideas, notions and pre-calculated conjecture made tasty and authentic for the hungry minds of the young. A wisdom disguised Pandora's box filled with tantalizing templates of attitude ensconced in leather binding and filled with "proven" sanctified thoughts to adopt. Not directly of course, but once knowledge and argument for it is presented, one is bound to select from the choices, never thinking there might be other premise choices to be considered. Once read - the die is cast, we are forming our individual nature from someone else's provided and given premise. This is an, "oh so simple" and elegant mind controlling contrivance and SO effective in ensuring substantiation for anything one may wish to find individual support for - at a time of great vulnerability, for surely, it must all be true - after all, I read it in a place of good authority!

Except........ What would your choices have been, what would my choices have been if contamination was factored out? This is a large question in my mind.

I do know this - true knowledge...that which is within ONE - cannot be polluted, it remains pure. You and I have built in virus protection called conscience, a small but effective block to those that would want us to subscribe to wayward schemes. Unfortunately, our very nature predisposes us to find justification for our early lower level feelings. How truly elegant, yet exceedingly sinister to lay at our hand justification for anything we felt driven or drawn toward in our weakest time? A range of belief options from A to Z, what better way to distribute contention and have followers for each letter of the alphabet?

We will always seek out that which we wish to find. There is also safety and comfort in numbers.

Granted, most of the premise may be benign... written in the vein of satisfying curiosity or providing entertainment...but it is all so much more. It is reinforcement for what is wanted of us - something sinister perhaps, something within a hidden agenda. But what hidden agenda? I could not figure out why I became repulsed by reading, later I did. This all sounds quite "off" of course *VBS*... I accept that - it is in the design of the meme'ers approaches, discredit anyone who may challenge the planted, false premise based conventions. ....using words I saw today, (as an example), about how the male/female "battle" was set up by the same 'them' that set up all the rest of the chaos on this planet, for the same old dual purposes of repressing the human spirit enough to keep us in a form of slavery, and creating enough conflict to create enough chaos to create enough dark emotional energy in us for 'them' to feed themselves with. More duality... established by the more self-oriented creator gods who won our planet in some big star war a few millennia ago." My observation of life's events supports what I have read in this passage notwithstanding the conjecture part.

I am struck by the feeling of truth contained within the statement, "Dark chaotic emotional energy instigated within us for "them to feed on".

Long ago I decided I would not be such a meal for "them". I am my own thoughts and destiny and have committed to not buying in to the engines of chaos so cunningly set up by them for the purpose of growing the food of our dark chaotic emotions in fields of human turmoil - since then, they have moved away from me and on to others that unwittingly feed the beast.

Once they were off my back and I had time in peace - I immediately found that which I truly wished to find. I am content now.

The seekers journey is a circle and eventually we come back to the point where we originally ran from, we are no longer afraid because we picked up the means to confront and deal with our old fear, while we were on the journey of retreat from it.

Retreating forward - Hey, could work!

"Whatever you pursue gains credibility... even undeserving things."